It is true that words are powerful enough to break or make anyone. People with depression are already facing a difficult time and using certain statements can make them feel even worse about themselves. Let us check these out, what statements not to say to a depressed person.
1.You have everything in life, for what you are depressed?
Depression may not be always due to some particular events like a tragedy, depression is an illness and has biological basis. Telling someone “You have everything in life, for what are you depressed” is questioning them if they are grateful enough for things that they have in life and minimizing their current mental pain.
2. It cannot be that bad.
This statement can create extreme pain and agony in the depressed person, we should avoid dismissing what they are going through. It is important to understand that since depression isn’t creating a visible wound that doesn’t mean the person isn’t going through the pain.
3. You are exaggerating things in your own head.
This statement accounts for invalidation of symptoms and concerns; this will not only upset the depressed person but also make him feel further helpless because not being able to explain his plight.
4. Others are facing worse, look at people who are underprivileged.
Drawing comparison isn’t a healthy way of motivating anyone. Everyone has their own personal experience of joy and pain. In this case comparing seems to be invalid.
5. You should try to think positive.
Telling a depressed person to think positive is like telling a person who just lost his leg to run. These kinds of suggestions are illogical, in depression a person will usually get negative automatic thoughts which are not in his control.
6. Don’t be so lazy all the time.
Telling a depressed person “don’t be lazy all the time” shows a stunted awareness about the condition. A depressed person will usually have reduced energy and fatigability there they may appear lazy to you but is actually loss of energy and interest.
7. Just let it go man!
The thing is that they cannot just let it go! It is not just a fleeting thought that can be managed through ignoring or distracting. Depression is real and should not be oversimplified by such statements.
8. You are being selfish when you talk about ending your life.
It is not healthy to induce guilt by such statements, or trying to help by blackmailing emotionally. By doing so we aren’t helping rather putting a pressure on them making them further worthless as a human. Maybe they should get some credit for fighting with their thoughts of killing themselves daily, and being strong on some days and vulnerable on some.
9. I am trying to cheer you up, you should also try.
Maybe they are trying but it is not visible to us because we aren’t travelling their journey. Maybe next time you try to cheer them up, try without expecting them to cheer up, for some time they can actually feel neutral if not happy.
10. You don’t “look” depressed.
Depression doesn’t have a face, it can be one laughing face at a party or a constantly angry coworker, or like in the movies a sad one in a closed room. A person doesn’t have to ‘’look” in a particular way to be depressed.
Conclusion
Depression can make a person feel negatively about himself and if he is being invalidated, dismissed by his loved ones then there are chances for him to feel even worse. I am sure the family or loved ones do put efforts to make the person feel better but by these statements they can negatively impact their patient. Let us try and be more mindful about the words and statements we use in order to be more helpful and supportive. Let us remember statements not to say to a depressed person!
If you want to help someone with depression and looking for professional help you can check out these helplines and resources below. http://www.aasra.info/helpline.html https://www.befrienders.org/